I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
