i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
