Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
