are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
