Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
