she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
