i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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