u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
