the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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