I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
