DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
