My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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