p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
