and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
