If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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