You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
