I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
