hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
