bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
