Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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