Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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