mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
