How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
