Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't deserve a penis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
