my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
is it fun? or sober?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
