i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
