He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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