The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
