i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
