best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
