Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
