Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
