I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
