I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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