i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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