either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
