she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Randomize
