It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
