I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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