I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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