after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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