I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
