Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
