yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
