my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
