Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
