a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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