i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
