why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
