I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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