I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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