We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
