The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
