I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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