We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
