they said they heard you say put it in my butt
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
