Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
