apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
