Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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