The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
