There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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