New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
