Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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