okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
