I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
