i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
